tugboat.

I remember the day.

Talent show...1995.

My friend Katie and I had decided to participate in the Crossville Elementary talent show.

Unfortunately for me, we decided not to practice beforehand.

Sweaty palmed, I grabbed the mic and took my place center stage.

 I wish I could tell you that the light shone and the crowd cheered as I sang a rousing rendition of 'Colors of the Wind' or better yet 'I will always love you' by Whitney Houston.

Oh no no...

The song we chose was P-I-A-N-O. It's to the tune of B-I-N-G-O.

She was going to play piano and I was going to sing.

The piano began and so did I.

What were the lyrics you may ask?

I don't know.

I have mentally blocked it out and even the internet seems to want to forget that moment because I can't find the lyrics.

All I remember is the chorus.

'P-I-A-N-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooo!' I howled.

'P-I-A-N-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooo!'

'P-I-A-N-OOOOOOOOOO and Johnny played pianoooooooooooo!!!!!'

I came to the full realization that the nervous breathing added to the fact that I sounded like a tugboat coming into harbor.

The look on people's faces told me they were begging for me to mercifully scratch my nails down a chalkboard instead of continuing with another verse.

and that was the day.

The day I vowed that I would never sing in front of more than one person by myself.

For the last 18 years, I would hum quietly in the car when others would sing or sing so crazy and over the top that people would know that couldn't be my "real" voice. I chose to play air guitar instead of trying to really hit that note in Freebird.

I only broke my rule a few times.

In college, my roomates and I snuck up onto the roof of our dorm to sing.

I know that is technically against the rules, but we did it to sing church songs...so that evens out right?

When I met Jared, I didn't like singing in the car with him. I just knew that if he found out how I REALLY sounded...he wouldn't like me so much. I love Bohemian Rhapsody...no one sings that song in their real voice.

One day a few months after we got married, he told me what a beautiful voice he thought I had. He said that he liked that I didn't try to sing over everyone and have a solo. I thought..."Oh I love to sing solo...so low you can't hear me!"

He said that he thought my voice may be meant for a microphone...(I quickly corrected him and shared the above story with tugboat sound effects). But I thanked him for his compliment.

When I had Brennan, I was afraid that my voice may not be that soothing to him so I didn't sing a lot when I first had him. One particular day, I was talking to my best friend Allison on Skype. Her little girl was telling me what songs they sing before they go to bed. She reminded me of a song I loved in college called "He's Sweet I Know". That night as I was putting Brennan to bed, I started slowly singing it to him. I would stop every few words and see if he was crying. He wasn't. In fact, he smiled. He smiles every time I even start that song.

Today, I conquered one of my greatest fears and broke my promise I made all those years ago.

I sang by myself in front of more than one person.

I taught my first baby class.

You know what?

When class was over, they had smiles on their faces!

They were patting the Bible with reckless abandon!

They were enjoying my singing and learning about God!

I am so relieved that they won't need therapy after attending my Bible class today. I am so thankful that God loves my voice no matter what and that He has given me an opportunity to overcome my own fears in teaching others about Him.

It may be a small fear to you...but it's a huge victory for me!

and if you see Brennan patting the Bible, you will probably hear me singing the song right along with him!