duck...duck...hockey

This morning, I got up and knew it was going to be a good day! I had more energy than i have had in a few days and I am excited to go to worship and teach bible class tomorrow!
I let Jared sleep in (or so I thought). He was watching a movie on his computer when I went to tell him breakfast was ready. We had some lovely brown bananas so I thought I would make some banana bread for morning tea.

Weird that i make stuff for morning tea. Think of it as a kind of second breakfast. lol.

We got bundled up and decided to take our walk to the Esplanade. It is probably a mile and a half from our house. I think it is one of my favorite places in Palmy.

Brennan fell asleep on the way and through the rose gardens where they camellias are in bloom but was awake enough to see the ducks at the duck pond and hear all of their quacking. When we went into the Esplanade, there was a bunch of kids about 7 or 8 playing field hockey.

It was neat to think that in a few years, that may be where we are spending our saturday mornings watching Brennan run around that field. Although, Jared says he will more than likely play rugby. :)

Jared took Brennan to the grocery store so I could do a quick clean of the house without having to stop. Isn't he fantastic? I may or may not have used to vacuum as an air guitar during Bohemian Rhapsody...

VITAMEATAVEGAMIN

Luckily, I don't need Vitameatavegamin to get to feeling better but I do think a little VITAMIN D would help! Brennan needs vitamin D too so after 2 days of being home bound...today we decided that against ALL odds, we would take a walk. As we were strolling out the end of the driveway, it began to sprinkle. I guess I am getting accustomed to living in New Zealand because I charged ahead with no umbrella or stroller cover, knowing that it wouldn't last long enough to need it.

These are pictures form our walk this afternoon.

 mom...where are ya?

 all snuggled in his handmade blanket from Aunty Allison.

At the end of our street is the Manawatu River. We made it there right as the sun was shining its last rays of the day. Remember it is winter here...and even though the trees are bare, the grass is still green! 

 those are houses on top of the cliff.

 Sunset behind the golf course that goes along the river.

I took for granted the ability to get out of the house and breathe the air!

Thank you Lord for your beautiful creation!

quakes and queasiness

This morning around 3 a.m. Jared awoke to the screams of a 7 month old and a yelp from a 28 year old.

Brennan woke up hungry and as I was trying to pick him up and get a bottle fixed, I got sick.

Luckily, Jared to the rescue. Fixing Brennan a bottle and letting me rest. He didn't have to be into work today until 11 so he got to sleep in a bit to make up for the middle of the night craziness. I officially have whatever he had. He seems to feel a bit better so maybe it won't last long for either of us.

Around 2 o'clock Grandma and Grandad came over so that they could check on us but also for Grandad to say goodbye. He leaves tomorrow for a four week mission trip in the Solomon Islands.

As we were discussing details of his trip, he stopped mid-sentence. I was little concerned by his face.

He said...'do you feel that? we are having an earthquake.'

As slight as it was, it went on for some time and those things make me nervous!

It's hard to explain but even if the whole house isn't shaking dramatically, it creates and uneasy unsteady feeling. We really trust the earth to stay solid beneath our feet!

Speaking of scary moments, I'd like to share my worst mom of the year experience that happened a few weeks back.

Jared was not well and I had to run to town. We had several places around the Square to go so I had put Brennan in his stroller. He fell asleep and I thought that I might grab a turkish doner kebabs for our lunch.

SOOO GOOD.

When they were ready, I reached for the bag momentarily letting go of the stroller.

Brennan sailed out the door and headed straight for the street!

Luckily, an older English gentleman caught him at the edge of the sidewalk.

He gave me a disapproving look and I sheepishly said thank you before scurrying my way to the car.

So by giving Brennan extra sick boy cuddles, does that make up for the fact that I sent him careening into traffic for turkish food? :)

pack it in there kids!

Today was a nice day although it wasn't sunny long enough to hang the clothes out. I am sure that veteran kiwis would hang their laundry out on a day like today but I figure if it has to end up by the fire to dry...I might as well skip a step!

Brennan and I spent the morning packing Jared for his presentation in Wellington.

Or should that read...Brennan spent the morning packing himself for Jared's trip to Wellington. Ha!

Jared was asked to do a presentation on the WAND that he uses for anesthesia. His dental practice has a pain free guarantee for the first visit, so if we are to have ANY food or shelter...he needs to be good at it and he is! I am proud of him for being asked to speak at this big event. 

What cracks me up about the course is that it describes it as a hands on session to practice techniques and EXPERIENCE a pain free injection! No thanks!

Brennan was snuggled in his stroller to help me clean out the cars and go for a little bit of an excursion to begin working on a top secret project. He is such a happy kid. 

When he woke up from his afternoon nap, he was quite sick and may have a stomach bug that has been circulating. He seems better but has been asleep since 5:30 (two and a half hours). Here's hoping he sleeps it off!

Today is Uncle Roody's birthday.

Last time we saw him, was Christmas so it was six months ago to the day! Happy Birthday!

Come see us soon or you will receive gross pictures of dirty diapers! (Brennan said that...not me)

Oh wait...that's just the warm up?!

Days like today are why I love my life...nothing big and spectacular to write about but too many blessings to choose from.

Mondays are usually our days to recuperate from the weekend. I get extra laundry done and Brennan gets a much needed return to schedule. I think he is one awesome kid to just go with the flow the way he does.

Today, I was going to try a spin class. They won't let you try without committing to a 6 month fee...of $300. Naw thanks, I am still enslaved to Freed. I guess I'll just do the insanity workout at home.

haha...insanity is right! who in their right mind would subject themselves to that?!
they were all like 'glistening' and stuff and I felt like a walrus with asthma.

oh wait...that's just the warm up? I'm in trouble!

It was much sunnier today which allowed Brennan to help me mow the yard. He gave me direction from his stroller quite nicely. Hopefully the weather is as good tomorrow.

It was confirmed yesterday that I will be speaking at the Ladies Challenge here in Palmy in October. I feel honored and excited to be able to do that!

For a day of cleaning, mowing and changing dirty diapers...it was a good day full of blessings and playing with Brennan!

The picture at the bottom is from our skype date with Aunty Emma last night. I love it!

Gonna party like it's my birfday! June 22, 2013

We have a lot happening this year which is quite exciting! Family visits, a one year birthday, anniversaries, holidays, etc. SO for my birthday, I decided that I wanted to do a short blog every day for the next year.

You read that right.

365 days.

I want to be able next year on my birthday to look at how my life is changing, how I am growing  in my Christian walk and how absolutely positively blessed I am! 

I have a post that I have been working on about our trip to America but have a few more pictures to gather before I post it up.

Having said that...here is DAY ONE of my 365 challenge.

(Remember these will usually be posted on New Zealand time)

For my birthday, Jared made me breakfast in bed. It wasn't easy to eat eggs and bacon with cheese scones and have a seven month old crawling over you...but it definitely made it more fun!

Before we left for Wellington, Brennan gave me some yummy cocoa and vanilla lotion and they both gave me the sweetest card signed with hand prints!

What did Jared get me you may ask? Well...we drove it to Wellington!

We headed south for our friends baby shower. Elsa and Keith are a couple that live and work in Porirua and are very involved with the congregation there. She is due in a few weeks with a little miss named Olivia.

Hanging out with all the ladies and playing baby shower games wasn't too much for Brennan and he quickly learned that flirting would get him far!

After the baby shower, we went to eat at a fabulous chinese restaurant with Keith and Elsa as well as our friends Lance and Kristen. They are missionaries with the Porirua church of Christ, and let me tell you...they are good! It is amazing to see how that church has grown!

 

All of us!

 

 Lance, Kristen and Brennan

We topped off the evening with chocolate cake and tiramisu to celebrate my birthday, Kristen's birthday (June 7), baby Olivia and the one year anniversary of Lance and Kristen's arrival in New Zealand.

This day, along with thoughtful posts, messages, calls and gifts from my friend all over the world...I think it has been one of the best birthdays of my life!

Be Mine

Roses are red.

Bacon is red.

Poems are hard.

Bacon.

This is the short little love text that I sent to start Valentine's day off on the right foot. :)

I was excited about Valentine's Day because we had no plans. We had already eaten our chocolate from my parents as soon as it arrived last week and I was expecting no gift since he covered every occasion for the next twenty years by buying me a new car! (I say that, he doesn't).

Brennan and I had both been feeling pretty stink and as I type this, I haven't slept much in 3 days because he coughs and it wakes him up and then he can't breathe well enough to sleep solidly. I knew I was going to make dinner as usual, but hadn't gotten around to being very festive.

I decided to get it together and make it super fun. Brennan and I made a card for Jared. I thought it would be fun to trace his hand as his signature on the card...he's three months old...near impossible to do on your own, but I did it! :)

I put on Jared's favorite dress for me to wear and put Brennan in a tie. He was so cute, I couldn't wait until Jared saw him!

 Jared came home to a dinner of baked dill salmon, green beans and carrots. We have been trying to do lots of veggies and lots of meat. Steak more than once a month? I can do that! We sat and chatted for a while after dinner and then decided to go for a walk. Jared wanted to be held accountable for exercising until we go to the States in May. He agreed that if he didn't exercise for 30 minutes every day, then I get to go home for Christmas. Needless to say, I try not to remind him too often that he needs to go but I do want him to accomplish his goal. Consider me his blackmailer. :)

We headed down to the lagoon to watch the ducks. When we got there, there was a group playing water polo in kayaks. It looked like so much fun!!

 Brennan was clearly thrilled.

Enjoying my valentines at sunset. (Pardon the wind blown look)

After walking home, we settled in to catch up on Walking Dead. I don't want Brennan to hear those scary noises so once he was asleep, we plugged in our headphones. I had one side in my ear and Jared had one side in his. Every time I would jump at something scary and almost wake Brennan up. We may have to come up with a new plan for that.

I have enjoyed this Valentine's Day more than any other. Not because of gifts, not because of chocolates (didn't even have one!) but because I got to spend it with my boys.

Hope you had a good one too!

My Boy.

The room is dimly lit.

And it's just us.

My arms are full and so is my heart,

His breathing slows and I know he is asleep.

I kiss his head and drink in his baby smell.

His eyes are tightly shut, but as he smiles, so do they.

The shouting of the dishes and the threats of the unfolded laundry try to drown out this moment.

This moment with me and my boy.

I think about my life five years ago.

How I would sit and think about where I was and find something lacking.

That feeling seems so foreign to me now.

I talk to him in his sleep.

I talk to him about his day.

I talk to him about his daddy.

I talk to him about his Father.

I tell him about the difference he has already made in my life.

3 months this week? It seems impossible.

But I know to savor this moment, because no matter when it ends, it will be too soon.

I pray for his sleep.

I pray for his waking hours, for his growth and for his knowledge that he is loved.

I pray for his future wife.

Mostly, I pray that God's presence will be strong in his life and that He will be a best friend to him.

I understand the begging place.

 I thank God for my boy.

For the breath he breathes and for the cry that he cries.

I thank God for the love he has from family and friends

even though he has never physically met many of them.

I thank God for my parents.

They never let me know how hard it is to see your heart walk outside your body.

They gave me confidence to trust in God.

They never let me feel unloved. Not for a second.

I spend a lot of time talking to God about my little boys daddy.

How thankful I am, how undeserving I feel

how blessed I am to be his wife.

I am overcome with joy.

A tear rolls down my face and falls onto his.

I don't wipe it off.

I want it to soak in.

I want him to soak in every ounce of blessedness that I feel.

I pray I never forget this feeling.

This moment.

Right now.

a birth story...minus the grossness

I realized today that I haven't blogged in two months.

Guess who is two months old today? haha.

That's right!

If you haven't heard, our son was born on November 23, 2012 at 4:41 pm.

He weighed in at 10.4 pounds and was 21.5 inches long

His name is Brennan Franklin John Kyle. and he is amazing.

We had an interesting time getting him here. We went in at 42 weeks and were induced at 7:30 in the morning on November 22. My family was getting ready to celebrate Thanksgiving but I was having a baby so my mind wasn't homesick on that particular day.

After having contractions all day I got into the tub about 8 pm. When I got out at 9 pm, it hit me like a truck.

OUCHIE MAMMA.

I was having such bad contractions that I knew when the time came I would not have enough energy to push this baby out. I had been using the nitrous oxide but it made me dizzy and sick and I kept thinking my voice got really low and it made me laugh. I proposed to a tootsie roll pop at one point. it was madness. Finally around 4 am I requested an epidural.

Around 5 a.m. the guy came and after answering inappropriate questions about how many butts he saw in a day (yes...i asked him) he gave me the epidural. It was great. They broke my water and found out that Brennan had already passed meconium. That can cause distress but he gave us no reason for concern at that point.

Around 11 a.m. I started to feel twinges of pain on my left side and by 12 the epidural had completely worn off on my left side. I was again using nitrous oxide but it almost seemed to intensify the pain.

Midwives here have to take breaks every twelve hours by law so my midwife had gone home to sleep after being at the hospital through the morning. We were aided by a younger midwife named Avon who would take over my care until Karen (my midwife) returned. Avon was lovely and very competent and made me feel like I was in good hands.

She called for the anesthetist to come and 'top up' my epidural. This happened 4 times throughout the day giving an end result of 5 epidurals. None of them touched the pain on my left side but overly numbed my feet and right side. Couldn't move a thing and my legs were hilariously floppy.

After checking my progress at 3 pm they discovered I was at a 9. YAY!!! So close. I was gearing up for this dude epidural or not and I got a huge boost of confidence that we were so close. I knew that I could do it.

I was encouraged to try and sleep but the contractions at this point were preventative of course.

I texted my dad and let him know that I was at 9. They were going to let me go one more hour and hopefully get to a ten and then start pushing an hour after that. I sent the message 'We should start pushing around 5'.

30 minutes later, I heard something funny on the monitor. Avon looked up and said 'hmm.' with a concerned face I wasn't fond of. She reached up to push the emergency button and in a flash the room was flooded with doctors trying to get Brennan's heart rate up. It had dropped from 130s to 74 and was continuing to do so with every contraction. They stabilized it and all went back to normal.

That is the first time I met Daisy Chan. She was in school at Otago with Jared if I am not mistaken and was quite the fireball. She was going to tell you what you needed to hear in the way that you needed to hear it. They weren't too concerned about him until it happened again. Again the doctors come flooding into the room trying to get his heart rate back up.

They mentioned that if it continued to happen, an emergency c section may be a possibility. They wanted to get me prepped just in case so they started that process. They had to remove my red toe polish that I had made Jared paint before we came. They were in such a rush to do it that my toes ended up covered in a red film and looked insanely terrible. I promise though that I wasn't concerned about that at the moment.

We were continuing to progress and so they felt that everything would continue as normal. During one particularly painful contraction, I turned on my side and I heard something from the monitor that scared me to death...i heard nothing.

For over 33 hours I had heard a little heartbeat coming over the monitor and now it was completely gone. Again the doctors rush in. They attached an internal monitor to his scalp to make sure that his heart was in fact beating but there was no doubt about it, he was in distress. Dr. Daisy wanted to make sure and performed a distress test on blood taken from his scalp. When she showed the results to her superior, he said to get the baby out now.

It was at this point that I got emotional. I thought they were going to do the c section with the epidural that wasn't working and terrified doesn't quite explain what I was.

After it was explained to me that I would receive something stronger and that Jared would be able to come in...I was ready.

They wheeled me down the hallway. So many people were running with me I felt like a celeb. I answered a few questions and Jared went off to get suited up.

They asked me to move myself onto the gurney so that I could get the spinal block for the c section. I kind of laughed because I hadn't been able to move my legs for hours. The team then lifted me onto the other table (insert thoughts of beached whale being moved back to the sea here) and sat me up. They told me to swing my legs to the side of the table to which I chuckled and gave them time to remember that I had 5 doses of epidural drugs that all sunk to my legs. They swung them around for me a sat me up. One of the nurses turned away and I started to fall forward off the table. So from that point I had a team of three holding me in position.

First they took out my epidural line, (which had already been moved 5 times and I would definitely feel those later) and then they attempted two spinal blocks. The first would not go in and after they placed the second and laid me back down, Dr. Chan scratched my stomach and asked me if i could feel it. I could.

Next thing I know there is a mask being placed over my face.

General Anesthesia c section which means that Jared wasn't allowed in and neither of us saw our son be born.

Instead of pushing at five...we had a baby by five.

Three hours later I woke up in the recovery room. After asking the nurses if my baby was okay, I asked if I had been given a bonus tummy tuck. No luck.

After a while, I was ready to go to the room. I was wheeled in backwards and saw the look on Jared's face. 'He's beautiful' were the first words he said. 'His head is so symmetrical' were the second words he said.

I held him. I knew he was mine. I thanked God. and I fell asleep.

If you made it through this post, good on ya. Better and more interesting ones to come soon! I'm back!!

i got a feeling...im not the only one.

Dear Lord:

Thank you for this beautiful day. For the sunshine that filled my house, and allowed me to get all of my laundry done. That reminds me, I am almost out of detergent and need to put that on my list. Where did I put my list? I think I left it in the guest room when I was cleaning up which I definitely need to finish soon. Did I iron those pants while i was in there? I may have left the iron on all this time.

Wait, what was I doing? praying...get back to it Rach!

Dear Lord:

Sorry for being distracted. I just got to thinking about all of the things that you have blessed me to be able to do. I hope that I make you happy in the way that I treat my blessings. Thank you for our house. I hope that I can continue to keep a clean house when this baby comes. When is this baby coming? I have so much to do before the baby comes. Since I don't know when he is coming, I better get busy! I put everything I need to do on this one list but now I can't find it. I bet it's in the guest room.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Sometimes when people ask me to pray for them, I think...' Are you sure about that?' I have no doubt that God listens to prayer. I have no doubt that He does anything and everything He wants to do about situations. However, I doubt my ability to effectively pray to my Maker.

If Jared came home from work and had a conversation with me that was as disjointed and erratic as my 'typical' prayer above...RACHEL SMASH! would be the least of our worries!

My mind is so filled with what I have to get done that I have no brain power left to focus on what has been done FOR me!

What am I thankful for?

Who needs God's special comfort?

What do I need to be working on in my life?

How am I allowing Him to work through me?

These are questions that I should be asking before I pray so that I am focused on what I am doing.

I hear these people speak of prayer warriors. I get this image in my head of people looking somewhat like Mel Gibson in BraveHeart.

 There are those who are sounding the battle cry in the fight against Satan, against disease and against injustice through talking with our Father.

I don't see me.

I am the kind that would love to dress up as a warrior only to be distracted by how accurate my costume is, what kind of battle I will be fighting and if I'll come out with all of my limbs.

When I think of my prayer life, it may look a little like this.

 See the resemblance? (minus the martini glass of course)

Prayer is in my life somewhere and it may get done if I get far enough down on my list to check it off. It's not the focus of what I am doing. 

If I was to play the part of 'warrior' in BraveHeart, I can guarantee that my armor would be sparkling, my weapons would be sharp and I would look a treat...but I would probably be late to the battle if I showed up at all.

As I grow in my Christian walk, the hardest thing I find is to truly focus in prayer. I have started to find time to sit and go through a prayer list. To truly thank Him for the things that He has answered and sometimes thank Him for the things that He had not answered. 

So I wonder how these ladies and men I know have become prayer warriors.

You know who I am talking about...

-the ones who you want to call the moment something fabulous happens or when something not so fabulous happens.

-the ones who you know will lift your name up to God everyday and will focus their time to bring your name before Him.

 It occurred to me that these brothers and sisters have a battle cry of silence.

weird...i know.

Finding the time to be still and appreciate the privilege of coming before God, to really reflect on the thankfulness that you have towards Him. Showing Him through devotion and focus that there is nothing else you would rather do than spend time in conversation with Him. To tell Him all that is on your heart and ask for His guidance and grace...what a battle cry! By doing so, you push Satan and the many other things out of your life so that you can savor your time with God.

I truly believe that He hears our prayers better when we stop checking prayer off of our list. Instead, we must be longing to have our time with Him. We must come into His presence fully prepared to give it all we have and focus our attention. Even if we are busy and only have five minutes, make those five minutes fully devoted to God.

This next year, I hope to find ways to truly devote myself in prayer. It requires no face paint or flashy armor but it does require a meek heart and quiet spirit and that's what I long to achieve.

Not Mine To Keep

I have been thinking about Mary a lot lately.

I think we have kind of bonded.

Now before you get confused on how I could be friends with the mother of our Lord, let me assure you that I am not crazy. As you bond with any other person, you spend time learning as much as you can about them. You sometimes bond when you are going through similar things or when you know that person has been through the situation before. When you learn about that person, then you consider their life and take some positive things from their example to apply to your life.

Growing up, I always looked to Mary as an example. She kept me out of a lot of trouble. I always considered why God chose her and I had to honestly ask myself...

'If God needed someone to work through today, would He be able to choose me?'

As I have journeyed through this pregnancy, Mary has become a friend once again.

We read about the angel coming to tell Mary about the baby she would have. I am not sure if you have ever read her reaction...but it is remarkable!

My favorite excerpt is in Luke 1:46-49

⁴⁶ And Mary said:

“My soul exalts the Lord,
⁴⁷ And my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior.
⁴⁸ “For He has had regard for the humble state of His bondslave;
For behold, from this time on all generations will count me blessed.
⁴⁹ “For the Mighty One has done great things for me;
And holy is His name.

I felt that the Lord had been kind to me whenever I found out I was pregnant. I was so excited. I'm not trying to compare a pregnancy test to Mary's visitation of an angel...but the elation was still there! Many women feel this way when they find out they are pregnant, especially if it is something that they have been waiting, longing for and praying for.

The Bible tells us about the birth of Jesus but lately I have been thinking about the pregnancy of Mary. We often think that because Mary was the mother of our Lord, that she had special powers or gifts. While we may never know if God took it easy on her, let's imagine that she went through everything a pregnant woman goes through today.

Did she have 'Mary Smash!' moments where she got a little emotional? Did she talk to Joseph in a way that didn't always reflect grace on her part? Was it always her birth plan choice to try a 'manger' birth?

I don't know.

But I do know this.

She was pregnant with a baby.

She felt her body change as he grew.

She knew him deeply and loved him with all of her heart before she ever held him.

She felt him kick and probably was overwhelmed with joy when she thought about the awesomeness he would bring to her life.

She knew that she would do whatever it took to protect him and help him to grow.

If you have been pregnant, you know these feelings oh so well. You have 9 months to contemplate how amazing God is and how excited, nervous and ready you are for this challenge.

But when I think of Mary, possibly the most important thing I have learned from her is that she knew he was not hers to keep.

She knew that it was her job to love and nurture this child, to raise this child in such a way that He would be ready when His Father needed Him.

Was she the perfect parent? Some would say yes and some would say no. I mean...she did leave him in Jerusalem! When it comes down to the finer points though...she rocked being a mom.

It would seem that she raised him without provoking him to be angry and sin over something that she did or a reaction she had to something he did.

She loved him fiercely. So much so that when He was in His final agony, His concern was for the welfare of his mother.

She treasured moments in her heart knowing that He would not be with her forever.

She knew that her sole job as a parent was to give her child back to God.

Can I scripturally prove that all of these things went through her mind? No.

But she proves herself as a mother by what we read.

So how does this effect me and my child?

Simple. This child is not mine to keep.

I have been given the gift of being able to bring him into this world and my sole purpose as his mother is to love him, nurture him, teach him and ultimately give him back to God.

We as women beat ourselves up for a lot of reasons as moms. If our houses aren't perfect, our children aren't immaculately dressed,  and dinner is not hot on the table when our husbands walk in it seems we have failed in some way.

Not true.

Jesus didn't look down from the cross and thank his mom for his flash clothes, her housekeeping skills and her precedent that Julia Child would later follow...by making sure that she was taken care of...He thanked her for her love, joy, strength and focus that got Him ready to go back to His Father.

So Mary, once again you make me ask myself tough questions...

'Can I be what God needs me to be? Can I be a mother that understands that my children are not mine to keep? Do I understand the gravity of the job I have been given and treasure the joy that comes with it? Will I devote myself to preparing my family to spend eternity together?'

Hopefully, this doesn't seem like a mish mash of thoughts. If it does, I encourage you to spend some time bonding with Mary and see how her perspective changes you as a person and as a parent.

I want to finish with the words of a song that I love and sing quite frequently. It's by Carrie Hassler and Hard Rain and it's called 'Least that I can do'. 

If you like the lyrics, you can find the actual song here:

https://itunes.apple.com/album/carrie-hassler-and-hard-rain/id394392572

"What a wondrous thing is this

that a virgin shall conceive

as the angel spoke these words

it must've been hard to believe

though she humbled to the task

though the whispers must have stung

she counted it a privilege

and through Mary its begun"

"Its the least that I can do

for the most that you have done

and in your time of need

how could I turn and run?

for all you've given us

from the manger to the tomb

It's the least that I can do

for all that you have done"

"Standing 'neath the cross

she fixed her eyes on Him.

A multitude of memories,

surely made again.

Did she think of manger scenes?

or angel lullabies?

and from the cross He mentions her

she'll stay with Him as he dies."

"Its the least that I can do

for the most that you have done

and in your time of need

how could I turn and run?

for all you've given us

from the manger to the tomb

It's the least that I can do

for all that you have done."

As Mary stood beneath the cross and looked up at her son, surely she recognized that her journey as his earthly protector had come to an end. However, she could take comfort in knowing that she had done her best, brought glory to God and knew that she had returned her most precious gift to the One who gave it.

The Power of Parenting

I did not have the privilege to meet and get to know Mr. Gene Hibbett.

Here is what I know about him.

He loved God.

He worked hard.

He loved his wife.

He loved family fiercely.

He was excited about Heaven.

He wanted others to be excited too.

He was not afraid to tell others how he felt about them.

You may ask how I know all of this as I just told you that we never even met.

That's an easy question to answer.

I know his children.

Lee and Lynne love God. They have devoted their lives to teaching others about Christ. In the classroom, on the mission field or simply by example, they have changed lives. I know firsthand the impact that Lee has had at Freed and the difference that Lynne Moore has had in the country of New Zealand.

Lee and Lynne work hard. There is never a time that I can think of when I have seen either of them not serving someone in some way.

Lee and Lynne love their spouses. Lee married Sarah and Lynne married Kevin and while at times I am sure it's been tough, love shines out of their beings when you speak of their spouse. They are proud to be married to godly people and they are thankful for the gift of marriage.

Lee and Lynne love family just as fiercely as Mr. Gene did. If there is any question about that...look at the Facebook posts, the tributes, the updates and the prayer requests. That speaks for itself.

One thing that has touched me the most through this whole journey the family has been going through is a remark Mr. Gene made when they were waiting to find out how bad Mrs. Jackie's cancer was. He said that if it was bad...they were going to talk a lot about Heaven. What a beautiful reaction to an ugly situation. I know that Lee and Lynne and their families are excited about Heaven and they want others to be excited too.

People knew how Mr. Gene felt about them. That is the only explanation for the tremendous and foundational impact that he made in the lives of so many. They knew he was compassionate, prayerful and wise. They knew that their success meant so much to him and that gave them the encouragement and drive to accomplish their dreams.

Lee, Sarah, Lynne and Kevin have been an incredible force in my life. They have laughed with me, cried with me, encouraged me, gotten excited with me and been there during times when I don't know what I would have done without them. They are raising their children in the Lord and passing on the characteristics of Christ to future generations.

As I prepare to become a first time parent in the next few weeks, I know that I have learned about the power of parenting from Mr. Gene. To be such a one that Christ flows into the lives of those you meet and that His reigning influence is seen in your children everyday...isn't that what we are all striving for as parents?

Thank you Mr. Gene for your life, for your kindness, and for your kids.

When it rains it pours (remix)

Interestingly enough for the past few weeks, the weather in New Zealand has been quite pleasant. There are plenty of sun shiny days and there are very few days where I hang the laundry on the line and immediately it begins to rain. 

Picture it...34 weeks pregnant running through the rain with a laundry basket to grab a bajillion items that I just hung up, while our resident ducks Mork and Mindy (not sure if I have told you about naming them) watch and smirk at me as I run. One day I am sure that I will learn how short these rain bursts are and just leave my clothes to dry afterward. They kind of smell funny if I do that though. 

ANYWAY...believe it or not this post is not about weather.

For the past few months, I have thought the expression 'when it rains it pours' to myself many times. I have had to deal with frustrating situations, culture shock, pregnancy hormones, you get the idea. I am sure that you know the feeling...its almost as if once one thing starts going sideways, everything else follows suit. Now I am not going to pretend that pregnancy hormones did not aid in my feelings...because WHOA they have. Jared has invented the name 'RACHEL SMASH!' For the times when I just lose it...these moments typically end in laughter but I can't stand the way it feels to be so emo all the live long day!

I don't like feeling overwhelmed by situations of life and I know that when I am closer to God, I am better able to handle any thing that comes my way. How would He want me to look at these things in my life that seem to be pouring down? and then it came to me...

Instead of 'when it rains it pours' I need to look at my life and ask 'Who reigns when it pours?'

This question doesn't eliminate the events that cause stress and anxiety, but it does change the perspective that I have when dealing with situations.

 

I think about Job. He knew who reigned when his troubles were pouring down.

I can't seem to recall a time in my life when my family was killed, my possessions destroyed and my skin was covered in boils. Jared hasn't come home from work and told me to curse God because of what has been going on. Job's faith in who God is and what He is capable of, far outweighed anything that could overcome or overwhelm him.

What about Daniel? Who reigned when troubles poured on him?

I haven't spent the night in a lion's den because of a choice I made to follow God even though the government forbade it. Daniel did. He knew that God would protect him but he also still had to spend the night with the lions. His relationship with God was such that He had proven himself over and over. Daniel's trust in God was evident in how he handled his day to day decisions.

These Bible characters are awesome representations of how it should be in our lives. God reigns when it pours! We need Him to help us through and without Him...it just keeps on raining.

Maybe Peter is more my type though. Who reigned when Peter's troubles started their landslide?

I haven't had my close friend come to me and tell me he is going to die, I haven't gotten so angry that I cut off someone's ear and I haven't been told by my friend that I will disown him to save myself. I haven't had my friend come back from the dead and ask me if I love Him with self-sacrificing love, only to be able to feebly tell him that I like him.

Peter wasn't sure who reigned when troubles were pouring into his life. He felt that he knew himself better and was strong enough to claim Jesus, even after he was warned that he would deny Him. He  couldn't control his anger at the things that were happening around him which lead to a slicing and dicing for poor old Malchus. He felt that of anyone, he would be the strong one who would stand up and be strong for Christ. That was his whole issue...he trusted in himself. He reigned when it poured...and his rainboots just didn't cut it.

Any struggles I have endured could only be considered laughable in the light of what these guys went through. However, the principle is the same. If I look at any issue in my life through 'Who reigns when it pours?' I can see that it's not me and it doesn't need to be me.

When God reigns in my life, He will be there when it is pouring and on the sunniest of sunny days.

And that is all I need to know.

you're pregnant and you know it...

if your husband takes you on a surprise drive to see the new Wendy's being built.

and you almost cry. 

I wonder if I even need to ask for prayers on Jared's behalf or if by some sort of telepathic vibes...everyone already knows to be praying for him! ha.

The last month, I feel like I have had enough energy to cook dinner and well...that's about it. I was telling a friend of mine that I have enough energy to sort and put in a load of washing, and sit down. Then I hang it out on the line, and need to rest. My slow cooker is getting a workout so that Jared has anything at all to eat and GET THIS...anything that needs grated cheese...I have to sit down to grate it!! Tell me that's normal!

Some days, I feel like doing more! So I get Jared to drop me off at the grocery store on his way to work, then I shop and walk home. Those days are awesome. Mostly the whole walk home though I think...what if my water broke right now? What would that construction guy think?!

Here we are almost at the end of this part of the journey and some days I forget I am pregnant. I was walking home the other day and a construction worker smiled and said 'When are you due?' I was SHOCKED! and then I remembered...I actually am pregnant. I guess it is an ingrained fear that every woman has at some point in her life of people asking you when you are due and you aren't pregnant.

We have had an awesome baby shower here thrown by my amazing friend Adeline. People came from all over and I was so honored that they already love our baby that much! If you haven't seen pictures...This is a group shot.

How awesome is that?! These ladies are great.We have almost everything that we need for Baby Kyle. I can't wait to tell you his name! We are waiting until he is born to reveal...so just a few more weeks.

This little dude moves all the time. It is awesomeness magnified. Even at three a.m. when I turn over and he kicks me...I smile.

Speaking of sleep, a lot of moms I have talked to say that they have a hard time sleeping...not I!

I do have vivid dreams though. For example, I woke up one morning and Jared said 'Did you sleep well?' I replied with 'Yes, I'll have the crispy fried shrimp!' I thought i was ordering at Long John Silvers. haha.

These dreams are sometimes so real I don't know if I am supposed to be angry about them or not. I woke up the other day CONVINCED Jared had eaten my hairbrush. I couldn't decide how he did it and if I was supposed to be mad about it or not. He is having sympathy dreams too...Last night he woke up and said 'WITNESS PROTECTION!' and then fell soundly back to sleep.

When I asked him super seriously if he ate my hairbrush...he said 'Yes. Yes I did. Are you joking?!' Then I figured out it was just a dream. :)

At 34 weeks, Jared has sailed through this pregnancy. He has been such a good friend, husband, listener and laugh provider. He is so excited to see the baby move and to meet his little mountain biking buddy.

I am going to try to write smaller updates more often. Especially when the baby gets here. I think I might be a picture overloader but I probably won't apologize. :) 6 weeks!